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The Smickle’s Celebrity Dead Pool – The Top 7

Celebrity Dead Pool…creepy? Perhaps. In poor taste? Absolutely. A pathetic exercise in wankery and douchebaggery? I sure as shit hope so.

Proudly presenting the top seven celebs most likely to kick the bucket – and only seven – because they don’t pay me enough to come up with a top 10 list…


7. Heather Locklear – I’m pulling for her ‘cause I got a soft spot in my heart for 80’s TV actresses named Heather, though I consider myself more of Heather Thomas type of guy. Whatever. Don’t drop dead, Heather…you’re an okay chick.





6. Lindsay Lohan, Michael Lohan, hell…anyone named Lohan – This nuclear accident of a family makes the Kennedys look like The Waltons. And the younger sister’s eyebrows creep me the hell out, man. Oof fa.





5. Charlie Sheen – ‘Nuff said.







4. Pete Doherty – I don’t know who this cat is but just look at him…






3. Demi Moore – Here’s the gauge I use when it comes to Deadpoolology …can you really picture said celebrity as an old person? Me either.





2. Betty White – She’s 90.






1. Adele – I’m sure she’s a fine young woman and a talented singer considering her impressive Grammy haul (even though the Grammys is pretty much a worthless gauge of musical relevance or talent) but this bird’s head is friggin’ HUGE. Wow. It can only be a matter of time before Adele’s massive melon pulls an asteroid into Earth with its incredible gravitational force and wipe us all out.

Perhaps around December 2012? Damn…Guess that puts us all in the Dead Pool. Better have a garage sale…

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