Celebrity Dead Poolâ€¦creepy? Perhaps. In poor taste? Absolutely. A pathetic exercise in wankery and douchebaggery? I sure as shit hope so.
Proudly presenting the top seven celebs most likely to kick the bucket – and only seven – because they donâ€™t pay me enough to come up with a top 10 listâ€¦
7. Heather Locklear â€“ Iâ€™m pulling for her â€˜cause I got a soft spot in my heart for 80â€™s TV actresses named Heather, though I consider myself more of Heather Thomas type of guy. Whatever. Donâ€™t drop dead, Heatherâ€¦youâ€™re an okay chick.
6. Lindsay Lohan, Michael Lohan, hellâ€¦anyone named Lohan â€“ This nuclear accident of a family makes the Kennedys look like The Waltons. And the younger sisterâ€™s eyebrows creep me the hell out, man. Oof fa.
5. Charlie Sheen â€“ â€˜Nuff said.
4. Pete Doherty â€“ I donâ€™t know who this cat is but just look at himâ€¦
3. Demi Moore â€“ Hereâ€™s the gauge I use when it comes to Deadpoolology â€¦can you really picture said celebrity as an old person? Me either.
2. Betty White â€“ Sheâ€™s 90.
1. Adele â€“ Iâ€™m sure sheâ€™s a fine young woman and a talented singer considering her impressive Grammy haul (even though the Grammys is pretty much a worthless gauge of musical relevance or talent) but this birdâ€™s head is frigginâ€™ HUGE. Wow. It can only be a matter of time before Adeleâ€™s massive melon pulls an asteroid into Earth with its incredible gravitational force and wipe us all out.
Perhaps around December 2012? Damnâ€¦Guess that puts us all in the Dead Pool. Better have a garage sale…